Jen, you write some interesting – and hopeful – things in your post on FB. For instance, you say that God is “no longer harassing me, but He's not as persistent as He used to be and I'm not as interested in wanting to know why as I should be.” Yet (and here is the glimmer of hope) you apparently can’t suppress the “spark of God-ness” that God gave you at birth and, more importantly, at your spiritual birth however many years ago it was.
Remember this: God is not going to give up on you despite the cooling of your zeal and the barren desert into which you sense you have wandered unintentionally. It’s true that “He and [you] are [indeed] old friends that lost touch” with each other (or rather you lost touch with Him). It’s also a fact that you don’t know God as you formerly did, but as long as you are alive and believe in Him, He will not give up on you.
At this point you are somewhat reluctant to call on Him to help you because you feel your own worthlessness. I have been in the same position a time or two in my own life, and so has any believer who has known God for any length of time. No one is worth God’s love and tender concern, and if we were, He would not have had to suffer and die for us.
The whole point of Gethsemane and Calvary was that we should have the right to live a life secure in the knowledge that Jesus paid the extreme price for our redemption. Now when we falter or fall flat in our walk with God, we simply acknowledge we have sinned or come short of His standard in any way, accept Christ’s hand of mercy and love, get up – and continue our walk with Him. This is not a reason to live a life of sin because we know He will forgive us. No, it is the goodness of God leading us to repentance for our sins and it should stir us to make every effort to be like Him.
I’m praying for you that you will accept God’s call to really move closer to His side secure in the knowledge He will never let you go if you continue to believe in Him. God loves you more than you can possibly know!
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