Written Word

My Unusual Journal 3

The Purpose and Benefit of This Journal

As statesd previously, the purpose of this meandering series of thoughts and meditations is primarily to vent my own feelings as I go sauntering (mentally) through my day. It is therapeutic and – perhaps – it may help someone else who reads these words and experiences similar thoughts as I, to deal with them. Who ever knows what soul he may edify or exhort or comfort? The series will continue until – until it stops tomorrow or the day after or sometime in the indefinite future.

My Journal – 6/16/11

Thursday 6/16/2011 6:28 PM

Today, at the above date and time I belatedly realize that yesterday (Wed., 6/15) during a thunderstorm my computer blacked out – I lost electrical power (only to the computer) for several hours. Now I recall what I have often said when all systems were “go,” that “nothing happens to the child of God for no reason; there has to be some good in it somewhere.” Do I now stand on what is Truth or do I, spineless, eat what were merely the words of a mortal, this untutored mortal?

Well now – where is the good, even a minimal good in this?  To add to the damage, I lost a couple of paragraphs of my original text because of the power outage, and I can’t recall what the text consisted of. So I did what I had to do – eat my words of confidence in God? No! I stood steadfast on what I believe, and that is that all things indeed work out for the best to one who trusts God. And I rewrote the words I had lost. They are not verbatim nor are they necessarily better written, but I am convinced the words are better suited to God’s purpose for this particular project at this particular time.

“And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. (Rom 8:28)

My Journal – 6/16/11

Thursday 6/16/2011 6:28 PM

Please forgive the following entry for being out of chronological order. This is not the correct date or time of these musings, but it strikes me as being both. Sometimes I go by my gut feeling.       AJS

In the Upper Room

Back in the 1960’s my church in Columbus, Ohio had a radio program on WVKO and frequently the listeners would request that my father sing "In the Upper Room with Jesus.” I wasn’t really enamored of the song at the time, but it is interesting how much experience and circumstances and just growing older can alter one’s thinking.

I feel so much in the upper room at this time with Jesus. I know, I know, I have already had the experience – minus the literal tongues of fire and the sound of the rushing, mighty wind of course – when I initially received God's Spirit into my life and into my heart, but I feel as though I am reliving that experience. As I said, it is minus the tongues of fire and the sound of the rushing mighty wind – but if God would turn His rheostat up just a smidgen, this event could become a literal fact with me and millions of saints all around the globe.

In the upper room… in the upper room… the melody and the words, which are not of themselves unforgettable, keep intruding into my thoughts and my moments of prayer and meditation until I finally concentrate on melody and words only and let them be my sweet time of being alone with my God.

I have never forgotten how my father would belt out the song, but it is just now catching up with me emotionally. His voice was not so vibrant and strong as it used to be (he was in his 70’s), but it still carried a certain resonance and volume, as though he were himself reliving the Upper Room experience.

Now I his sometime errant son can't seem to shake the words and the melody – and I don't want to. Thank God for the Upper Room event in my life; and thank God that it is still real today and giving me a greater buzz than it ever did, some 78 years later!

 

 

My Unusual Journal 2

 

My Unusual Journal

My Unusual Journal 2 – 6/14/11, Tuesday, 6/14/2011 10:49 PM

Still "Feeling My Way"

It’s day 2 of My Unusual Journal. I’m now winding down my day by working on this my maiden effort at writing anything close to a journal of my inner thoughts. This present effort can be termed “feeling my way.” I have no good idea if God will give me the green light, the red light or simply put me on hold for a season as far as this project is concerned. It’s in His capable hands.

My Journal – 6/15/11

Wednesday 6/15/2011 3:00 AM

It's the end of a long day. Lord, remember all my Prayer Burdens whose needs run wide and deep, like a river that pauses for none to catch their breath. Keep them, Lord, and meet all their needs. Keep us all through the brilliance of a sunny day or through the horrors of the night when the clouds of fear and doubt hide your blessed face. Keep them; keep me. Without you we have no hope, no compass and no salvation.

I like the Good Night Prayer my children used to recite before crawling safe into their beds. It takes me back to a simpler time when we didn’t have such a complexity of wickedness to face and overcome. Yet despite the convoluted machinations of wickedness we are still required to be “wise as serpents and harmless as doves [childlike].” I too am a child, Lord, and tonight I exercise my childlike faith in you –

“Now I lay me down to sleep;

I pray thee, Lord, my soul to keep;

When in the morning light I wake,

Help me the path of love to take

And keep the same for thy dear sake.

Amen”

Wednesday 6/15/2011 7:20 AM

My wife woke me up today for Morning Prayer sponsored (I guess that is the right term) by the church’s Tribe of Levi, to which Pat and I have been assigned and for which I am glad. They are a group of spiritually alert men and women and quite friendly to this guy they’ve never met in person. God bless them.

After the usual physical travail (I overstate it a bit) and lashing my body into harness for a spiritually profitable day, I progressed further through the usual routine for the beginning of my day by a quasi diligent study of the Bible; that is, I read four chapters, two from the Old Testament and two from the New Testament. These morning readings are not in a deeply studious mode, but they are in sequential order and I do not whisk through them in 5 or10 minutes.

I could choose my daily Scripture reading in a random way by opening the Bible and reading wherever it fell open. It’s my choice to do it in a more systematic way. Either way is good as long as I read my Bible and don’t read the same chapter each day. The Bible is my source of inspiration, edification and comfort. It teaches me wisdom and as I read I expect the Spirit to open up my understanding of the words on the printed page. He makes them come to life.

This is not to say that every word or sentence instantly and spectacularly recharges my spiritual “battery”; no, but the continual reading has a very positive effect. I know it because I am the one that experiences the cumulative effects on my spiritual being when I am constantly being bombarded with these words of life. If I were permitted to read but one book in the world, I would unhesitatingly choose the Bible. It is my lifeline. It is my life.

Wednesday 6/15/2011 5:59 PM

I have just sent an e-mail to an “intermediary” (my term for a person bringing someone in need to my prayerful attention) and it made me think: There are so many persons needing help that it’s overwhelming. I have prayed that God would help me to feel the needs of my Prayer Burdens – and He has been gracious enough to answer that request, at least in part.

Now I can actually better “feel” the hurts of the ones for whom I’m praying. It is certainly not a miraculous or automatic happening: There are times I have to exert my empathy; I have to make a conscious effort to immerse myself in the matrix of suffering in which my brother or sister find themselves. God honors my effort and gives me the ability to feel or empathize with him or her as I have not always been able to do. It’s a thrilling thing.

But it doesn’t come without a price. It hurts – and what did I expect; a foot-stomping glory hallelujah occasion? That may come later when he/she and I (both of us) come out of our grueling test. But even now while I am in the furiously burning fire with my partner in pain, there is a deep down joy and praise for what God has done for my brother and me: my brother now has a colleague who can pray for him the effectual, fervent prayer that he needs – and I, what do I have? I have the sense of fulfillment that comes only from reaching out in love to a fellow creature in their direst hour and enduring the trial of their faith with them. And be assured: The bread I have cast upon the waters will no doubt return to me in my own time of grief and pain. (Ecc 11.1)

My Unusual Journal 1

The Purpose and Benefit of This Journal

The purpose of this meandering series of daily posts is primarily to vent my own feelings as I go sauntering (mentally) through my day. It is therapeutic and – perhaps – it may help someone else who reads these words and experiences similar thoughts as I, to deal in a positive way with them. Whoever knows what soul in need he may help?

So Let’s Get Started!

“And God said, Let there be light…” (Gen. 1.3) As God went through the six days of Creation willing and commanding things into existence that were not yet there, so I hope that God will in this journal choose to will, first of all, light to spring unimpeded from its cloak of non-being into the realm of glorious visibility.

Dear God, from this point forward in this project, ‘LET THERE BE LIGHT!’

My Journal – 6/14/11

Tuesday 6/14/2011 9:30 AM

The day is still in its infancy and I feel shortchanged already. (This is surely not a positive way to start one’s day!) Usually my wife Pat will wake me at 6 am and we join in a conference prayer meeting with our church for an hour. This time I was sleeping – and she let me sleep!

Frankly I am not a corporate prayer devotee, but that certainly does not mean that I don’t pray... far from it. And I am sorry I missed my prayer session with my brothers and sisters in Christ. Only a few saints at Faith Covenant Church know me; most have never seen me, but they pray for me as I do for them. That’s what love and fellowship are all about.

Tuesday 6/14/2011 8:00 PM

Waiting for Pat to come home… Got some time to think and meditate. I have this notion that is certainly not unusual for a child of God: We all have our niche carved out in this life and the niche is in a measure determined by circumstances and our personal temperaments. When a child of God is relatively free to do what he sets his mind to do during the day (as I am), it would be a sin to waste talent and time on the boob tube or talking aimlessly on the phone all day.

I don’t want to go off on a tangent and view these things as sinful, but there is a work God has for each of us to do and there also happens to be a God we should want to come before in sweet meditation… think of the many people who need prayer… we have in our midst so many hurts and heavy hearts… there is much for me to do in addition to my writing. God has been so very good to me in that He does not let me lack for something to do and someone to pray for.

NOTE: I have just now received an e-mail informing me of someone else in dire need of the Master’s touch. I know that of myself I can’t help them, so as soon as I can I will take both the urgent need and my spiritual sibling to the Lord in prayer – what else can I do?

I have two prayer lists. Each one is long and my memory at this point in life is very fragile. Furthermore the “weight” of the two lists is heavy, but God is sufficient for every situation. I print out one of the lists from time to time as specific situations change and as prayers  are answered (and, yes, an occasional death does occur! Faith in Christ does not do away with the curse of sin - physical death) These ebbs and flows of life make it necessary to update my Prayer Burdens list occasionally. I often have this list close at hand as I pray to jog my misty memory; and God understands and he hears my “effectual, fervent prayer” and answers in His own way and His own time.

Three Days Out of the Will of God

Let’s be very clear: God has something for each one of us to do now – at this very moment. There are so many varying situations in which each one finds him/herself at specific and widely diverse occasions that only God can precisely select who is to do what, when, where and how.  There are widely disparate ages and a hodgepodge of temperaments among the servants of God; only an all-knowing Creator can separate our varying tasks at any one time one from another.

When God called Jonah to warn the Ninevites of their impending destruction, the Lord made it very obvious what He wanted Jonah to do. “Arise,” He told Jonah, “go to Nineveh, that great city, and cry against it; for their wickedness is come up before me.” Jonah had a clear mandate from God, but Jonah had the audacity to rebel against the divine mandate; he intended to do his own thing. He would refuse by default: he would no longer be where God could find him. What a dangerous, foolish decision!

“[So] Jonah rose up to flee unto Tarshish from the presence of the LORD, and… went down to Joppa; and he found a ship going to Tarshish: so he paid the fare thereof, and went down into it, to go with them unto Tarshish from the presence of the LORD.” (Jon 1:3)

Here we have a prophet of God presuming to buck against a clear directive from his God. It is difficult to imagine why Jonah would make such a brazen move. God was all the old line prophets had: they walked where God told them to walk; they ate what and when He told them to eat; and when they resisted God, the result was not very pleasant as Jonah soon discovered. (Jonah 1.3-17)

Sometimes I think the earnest sincere saint of today has more knowledge of God than the prophets of old; but of course that is not true. When I read their stirring calls to action and their pleas made in God’s behalf for Israel or Judah to return to their God, I change my first rash opinion. No doubt the prophets of old did not have as much “technical” knowledge of God as some of us; we have innumerable scriptures and the lives of mighty men of God for us to learn from, but the prophets were generally much more dedicated men and women and much more committed to their God than we effete Christians of today who cannot stand to be talked about much less to be physically persecuted. They followed their God faithfully and did some weird things simply because God told them to do so. And how could they fail God when He was so very close to them? Even Jonah repented of his disobedience after God disciplined him with three days in the fish’s belly.

The prophets were faithful and obedient to God in the face of severe persecutions by their countrymen and the bizarre demands made on them by their God. Would we today be as single-minded? Would we, could we “set our faces like flint...knowing we shall not be ashamed”? (Isa. 50.7) I have to confess there are a few things I would be reluctant to do, namely, marrying a street woman as Hosea did (Hosea 1.2 – note that some commentators say this is allegorical and not a literal fact) in order to typify God’s surpassing love to Israel. Another command I would surely stumble at was when God, to drive home a point to His wayward people, took Ezekiel’s wife from him in death and strictly charged Ezekiel not to display any signs of mourning for her.  (Eze. 24.16-24). This is what God commanded Ezekiel to do (or no to do):

“Forbear to cry, make no mourning for the dead [do not display your grief outwardly], bind the tire of thine head [the priestly turban] upon thee [Isaiah was a priest and ‘Uncovering the head was an ordinary sign of mourning in priests; whereas others covered their heads in mourning (2Sa_15:30)’  (Robert Jamieson, A. R. Fausset and David Brown n.d.], and put on thy shoes upon thy feet [in Ezekiel’s day being barefoot was a sign of mourning], and cover not thy lips [‘Mourners covered the under part of the face, from the nose to the bottom of the chin’  [Adam Clarke 1715-1832], and eat not the bread of men [‘the bread of miserable men,’ i.e., mourners; probably, the funeral banquet.’ (Eze 24:17)

But I (and you), we all have made our boast in the Lord; shall we now refuse to do even the most repugnant of tasks that He lays upon us? I shudder when I think of the very painful demands God could make of me, but if I (or you) at this moment are doing what He wants us to do to the best of our ability, aided by the grace of God, I am confident God will always give us the ability to carry out all of His sweet will; even if it should literally kill us. This is certainly not a proud boast – of myself I am nobody going no place and in an unseemly haste to get there – this is merely (no more and no less than) a supreme confidence in Almighty God.

Once again let’s be very clear: This post is not a mere exercise in speech writing nor is it to get my name on the Internet. I am deadly serious about what we are doing with our call from God to a specific task. God is winding down His centuries long entreating to mankind to do what God wants and the thread on the spindle of time is showing bare spaces as it is rapidly spinning near the end. What are we doing on God’s behalf (not to say our own behalf) to fulfill all of God’s will for us as individual worker in His great economy?

Please look on God’s immense army of workers not only as what they are (a vast network of workers). They are also individuals on whom is placed the burden of success for the entire workforce. If you are out of sync, so are others who are taking their cue from you. I am asking of you what I am asking of myself who regrettably has been out of step on more than one occasion:

       1.         If you have no clue as to where you belong in God’s army, don’t wait; go to Him in earnest entreaty. If you are sincere, God will show you where He wants you to be.

       2.         If you are where you belong but are temporarily out of step, you know the drill – get in step immediately, praying all the while for God’s help. You can do nothing right without His grace upon you.

This concept of God’s people being an army marching without misstep toward a goal is a symbol and we are all the reality. “Marching in step” means being doing or moving in strict accordance with God’s will for you. The success of the army depends on the individual. It depends on you… and you… and me. The army of God is made up of the individual soldiers and the individual soldiers all comprise the army of God. We are a unit; so let’s move; we’ve a great task to accomplish and an extremely short time in which to complete it!

Thoughts of an Old Guy about the Faithfulness of God

I am not a guy who keeps a journal of my daily activities and thoughts, but about six years ago I made an abortive effort to keep a record of these things that have little significance to the world. As stated, it was an attempt that fizzled out after a couple of years of intermittent stabs at it. There were not many entries in my journal, but some of them were as follows – for whatever good it will do anyone reading them:

5/28/2005 12:39 PM

At the age of 84 certain thoughts come to me that are corollary to my age. I have to face the possibility that I will some day lose my faculties to the point of becoming senile. It’s a scary thought, but not an obsessing one. The pertinent question is this: Do I completely trust in God or do I only believe in Him up to a point? I have made my boast in my Jesus, and now, with the specter of senility looming on the horizon, will that trust begin to crumble and leave me, along with it, in a chaotic cloud of dust? As the possibility of “losing it” begins to turn into reality, will I hasten its advance by my own mental self-destruction? No, no, that cannot happen – not as long as I maintain my trust in God.

6/17/2005 4:02 PM

Just to be clear: I CAN fall victim to senility, but I will NOT aid its work in me by throwing my hands up in surrender. I will not self-destruct.

1/26/2007 6:00 PM

I neglected to write on [my brother] Walter’s passing a couple of weeks ago. It was not that it had no effect on me – it did. I remember babysitting with Walt when he was just a few months old. I myself was only a child nine years of age. Walter had asthma... bad. I can recall once holding him in my arms and rocking him during one of those terrible attacks. Why I would rock him at that time I don’t really know. That wouldn’t have stopped the terrible wheezing and rattling that occurred with each labored breath. It seemed that each gasp would be his last. I was scared for that little brother of mine and didn’t know what to do... there was no such thing as a 911 line. I was not yet saved. But, as I recall, I really prayed for that little flickering life in my arms and struggled with him as he gasped for each breath.

I of course could not foresee that he would live through the asthma attack and even overcome it as he grew older. Nor could I foresee that he would much later die before I did...I who was nine years his senior. I had not the least idea that I would some day look down at him in the repose of death – the death to which I was so fearful many years before that he would succumb at any moment – and feel the all too familiar pain in my heart for finally losing him.

But he wanted to go. He was ready and willing – and so there was a good measure of comfort in knowing that he wanted to leave this place of pain and suffering. This time I knew more about the God he and I both served and I knew it was God’s time, it was Walt’s time and there was no more fitting a time for Walt to leave this life... and I take comfort in that.

My “little brother” has gone home.

I miss him.

Circa 2/2007

Since the passing of Walter in December – which was a compounding of the grief felt at Ruth’s passing a year and a half previously in a family that had not experienced a sibling loss in sixty-three years – my schedule, such as it was, has been a shambles. My faith was not shaken by the loss, but my emotions, it seems, were adversely affected and the turmoil reached into the physical, upsetting my body’s normal resistance to affliction and pushing an already tenuous memory another notch lower. My writing muse took a leave of absence and my ability to meditate was for a time impaired. [And I am experiencing much the same turmoil at this present moment, but now I know a little bit more about the steadfastness of divine love.] Altogether it was not a good time although at present writing I am so grateful for the experience.

But, despite all appearances, it happened as I knew (somewhere deep down) it would: God, who is faithful and infallible, stepped in, in His own way and His own time, and set me back on track.

What have I learned from this? That God will never leave one who trusts in Him, hanging in the wind forever. We may be battered and tossed wildly about like a small craft in a stormy sea, but He will never forsake us. The preceding sentence, that “we may be battered and tossed wildly about like a small craft in a stormy sea,” is such an apt figure of speech – I was most certainly tossed wildly here and there and all my logic and strong will helped me not the least – I was at the mercy of the raging elements. But “... we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us.” (2Co 4:7) Almighty God will let happen to us just what is needed for our molding and purging; no trial of our faith can go beyond that. We cannot be defeated.

6/6/2007

I have not actually written to any great length about a recent epic struggle I experienced. It was a very bad convergence of most of my personal foibles. It consisted of a number of things: skepticism about my basic worth, of my ever living up to God’s expectations of me and a number of genetic glitches that have plagued me most of my life. But there is one thing notable about the whole long drawn out episode: While my entire faith structure was in danger of completely collapsing, like a structure made of cards, the same faith – which was about to fold under the pressure – nevertheless whispered in my heart, “Believe… only believe… don’t let your faith in Jesus fail you... then you will have nothing at all.”

And why did faith revive just when it was in a most critical condition? It was certainly not my own resilience and strength and perseverance. God activated His worldwide network of believers and someone or someones, somewhere, began to pray for me just as I was going down under the water for the last time. I have to say it was only Christ who brought me through the perilous rapids – I have neither the strength of will nor the skill to navigate those waters on my own. This is no false modesty; it is the real, abased and abashed ME speaking. I have seen myself and I am chastened and ashamed. But God, whose mercy exceeds the height of the heavens, deemed it worth His while to bring me out. I can do nothing other than praise and magnify the Lord Jesus Christ for His exceedingly great goodness to me.

He brought me out, and at this writing I am alive, sane, safe and saved – and a better person for the experience. I should have died spiritually and physically, but God was not ready to call me home just yet. There was more He wanted me to do and so – as unworthy as I am – here I am.

6/2011 (Retrospect)

I am 90 years old now. As I look back at these meager entries in this so-called journal, I come face to face with this inevitable conclusion – there is no God like the God I serve! There is not the room in all of Creation for another God like Him. There cannot be two all-everything Gods. I am truly chastened and humbled before such awesome power and magnanimous love that defies description. Who wouldn’t serve this God? Who would dare to resist not just His power that can annihilate in a scant second, but the love that turns worlds upside down to accomplish the salvation of one lone mortal!

I am literally speechless.